Mad Cow Farm

RUN #1 - The Dili Hash International Division Inaugural Tantawanglo Mad Cow Farm Hash
4-6 May 2012

RUN #2 - The Dili Hash International Division at the Mad Cow Farm Hash Resort
12-13 Jan 2013

For the benefit of the hash travellers, the hare Dangles kept this run short and wet, tracking along the river. Hence the 3.5km length and altitude range from 155 to 189m. A fully detailed view of the run can be found by clicking here

Its been and gone once again. Hosted by Barred and Harrrd Up plus the junior Ups. Attended by :

Dangles - Brisbane via Canberra
Horny, Miss Piggy - Adelaide
Squatter, FroggleSnot - Canberra
Asian Persuasion, Beth (we forgot to name her !) - Pt. Cook, Victoria
Pony Boy (renamed Bugle Boy) - Wagga Wagga (this guy is not really a Dili hasher but bats like he is)
with special guest stars Idadown and Misguided - Dili via Frankston, Victoria

So quite a few kms were stacked up getting to this momentous event near Candelo in New South Wales.

Haaarrrd Up's Run Report

Well, the second meeting of the Dili Hash in Exile (Tantawangalo Chapter) took place at Mad Cow Farm Hash Resort over the weekend. Those who had the balls and confidence in their livers to show up were: two former GMs, Horny and Squatter; Asian Persuasian, his girlfriend Beth who somehow avoided being named, two of his own children and one that he wasn't admitting to; Frogglesnot and Miss Piggy; Pony Boy, who was renamed Bugle Boy because of his thoughtful detour via Aldi in Cooma to produce two mega cartons of Bugle Bay beer (ostensibly. Also because his annual Bledisloe Cup trip companions refer to him as Fartmeister); the guests of honour, of course, Ida Down and Miss Guided on their pre-wedding tour of Australia; Dangles; Capital Kid and the other Little Ups; Pony Boy's red heeler Sallie whose attempted assault on the family flock caused us to formally recognise a new land-speed measure ("Goose Velocity"), Horny and Miss Piggy's two terriers Ali and Alfie (who, beneath a fluffy white exterior and cute button eyes, nurses the heart of Mike Tyson), and our own family dogs of course, Furphy the NZ Huntaway, Dobby the staffy and Holly Huntaway the official Hash Puppy. Only a bunch of Hashers could imagine how much butt sniffing was going on and how little of it was being performed by the canines on the team.

The Hash started around lunch time on Friday when Dangles arrived at Mad Cow Farm, prompting the instant evacuation of one of the recaptured family goats, who must have had some unfortunate encounter with him on a previous visit. Unluckily for her as she chose to bolt up the lane she bumped into Baaarrd Up and Haarrd Up returning with a car full of supplies from the Bega Mall. So the event started with a strenuous goat-pulling contest between Geraldine the Goat and Haaarrd Up, who must have already been drunk as she offered to walk the animal back to the farm, to the considerable amusement of several bypassers who of course chose that day to drive up a lane that normally sees only one sheep-truck a week. (We are now in daily expectation of the RSPCA's call, but really, officer, the goat was only playing dead. And that was only part of the time.)

As the Hashers arrived they were quickly put to work on the REAL purpose of the Mad Cow Farm Hash - tidying Baaaarrd Up's shed and garage to provide appropriate venues for the Circle, Bar and Beer Garden. Of course Haarrd Up (in an illustration of the otherwise inexplicable fact of why men rather than women rule the world) had already tidied the house - though this may not have been apparent to all the participants as housework is not one of Haaarrd Up's talents, which is why her children are being brung up in a shed.

A weekend of unmitigated drinking, eating, shouting and misbehaviour followed, but unfortunately the details must have been recorded in brain cells that formed part of the collateral damage of any Hash event, because while I know there was a great deal of wit and hilarity at the time, I can't remember enough to record it. (Others feel free to jump in any time!) We also blazed a trail of beer-cans and dog-poo (yes, Alfie, that was you) across the virgin countryside of the Tantawangalo Valley and ended by walking up the bed of the Tantawangalo Creek's pristine (at least until Baaarrd Up's Hash Slash) waters (where Asian Persuasion discovered alluvial gold. Or golden showers. Or something. See the photos, which Squatter has undertaken to upload.) The latter part of the walk was enlivened, literally, by Bugle Boy's discovery that a wire helpfully strung across the creek by one of the local farmers was electric - but if you think that's funny both Ida Down and Miss Guided managed to get a hit from it as well, even though they knew it was hot. Clearly Ida Down is rubbing off on Miss Guided (you know what I mean) as she used to be smarter than that.

The GMs managed to negotiate leadership of the Circle without having to take off their coats and go out the back. Baarrd Up was RA and Asian Persuasion performed the role of Choirmaster (despite lacking Brewer's Droop's classical Indian operatic training), using a plastic battery-driven sub-machine-gun helpfully provided by Ida Down's Mum, which, if your finger trembles on the trigger (and show me a Hasher who doesn't suffer occasionally from the DTs), says "F**k-f***k-f***k" instead of "Fire". Needless to say Ida Down's Mum isn't getting that donger back. Bugle Boy was Prick of the Week, and one of Haaarrd Up's expensive Simone Perele lingerie sets, seized by Baaarrd Up to transform the pewter cup his granny gave him on his 21st into a Prick Mug/Pussy Chalice, will never be the same again. Nor will Bugle Boy ever secure respectable work in Australia (or a visa to anywhere else) if the photos go viral. Also Baaarrd Up is now really nervous of getting to Heaven for fear of what his granny will say to him, not that any sensible person would entertain any real expectation that that was his ultimate destination.

Anyway, a sensational time was had by all, or by us at any rate, and we wish you all could have been here. Thanks to all who came and hoping more of you can join for the Third Inaugural Mad Cow Farm Hash, which will take place as soon as someone provides us with an excuse to do it.

On on

Baaaarrd Up and Haaarrd Up

Stay tuned for the next Mad Cow Farm Hash in late 2013.